Best Friends

I don't want you to be my best friend.

I lie to my best friend
I tell him that his ex was a bitch
But she wasn't

I don't have sex with my best friend
He has a hairy ass
As far as I can tell, that is!

I don't confide everything
To my best friend,
Just what I want him to know

I don't bring my best friend
Flowers on Friday
Or coffee in bed every morning

I don't want to read the paper
In bed on Sunday morning with him.
I don't like the comics section.

I have NO interest
In kissing him
That mustache repels me

I wouldn't give up my other friends
Or my life
For my best friend

But I will for you
Without a second thought.