Emailgasms

I used to bitch
About junk mail
Before the internet

But I would welcome
Anything less than
200 emailgasms a day

I don't need or want:
A $10,000 dollar a week
Work at home job. A new
Hair Removal system.
A new hair restoral system,
A free cell phone or
Seven trillion free minutes.
Viagra, vigel, or bigger breasts.
A new penis, a larger penis
Or anyone else's penis.
Girls "doing" other girls,
Animals, cars, boats, planes,
Trains, or other mysterious objects
Or people. Oh yeah,
Let us NOT forget hentai!
No loans, mortgages or
Debt relief. Most of all
I don't want ANY free memberships
To anywhere, place, thing or site.

Please God,
Put more shit in my
Snail mail box!