Inner Workings

Pretending to be normal
Making believe that I am real
Getting away from all this turmoil
And ceasing to exist again

I can't see past my own reflection
I can't seem to reach perfection
But I'm reaching and failing
And failing to reach you
I'm dying without you
But continuing to dig deeper
And be your heart's keeper
But it's all slipping away

I'm not much of anything
I'm much more of nothing
Neither here nor there
But what do you care
If I had wings I'd still plummet
Still never reach the summit
And my flag will never wave in the wind

My desperation grows
And panic settles in
So comfortable in this 
So soothing is the sound
The noise of breath against the glass
Watching you walk away

Making up for lost time
But oversleeping again
I'd try again but I'm lazy
I'd walk but I'm tired
So I'll just run slowly
Run this blade gently
Sharp side up and dull to the skin
No ending and no beginning
Just five more minutes of wasted time

Maybe I should take a picture of myself
Maybe I should frame it and hang it in the hall
So I can break the glass daily
And lick my wounds
Till they get infected
So I won't have to hurt myself again

Everlasting pain is temporary pleasure
A broken heart is a mend able treasure
But I pawned mine off before I realized
I sold my soul just to keep breathing
I cut off my legs just to keep kneeling
Paying the price on my own terms
Returning the favor in crimson and tears

Behind me the word goes forward
Leaving me to see what remains
And here I'll linger for old time's sake
Until my dying day
For you I'd do anything
For you I'll do nothing
For this I'll keep going
For that I'll just stop now
For now I'm done listening to myself think
Thought is provoking me
Thought is encouraging me
An encouraging thought is threatening me
And I am threatening the world with thought